Day 625 – Wanting a Compliment


Today I showed a painting I’ve been working on to a friend. It isn’t finished.  I haven’t had time. It’s been unnatural for me to paint so slowly and because I haven’t had time to paint as much as I am used to, I have had doubts about it altogether  – so when my friend asked me to take a photo of my work-in-progress today, I had mixed feelings but I did it anyway and sent it. She wrote back after seeing it was “cool subject matter” but she said nothing about the painting itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project that my friend was being stingy  within not commenting on the actual painting.

When and as I see myself projecting about another’s feelings or motivation within what they say or what they do, I stop and I breathe. I realize I cannot know any/all the multidimensional layers within what anyone says or does with certainty and that I can only know and take responsibility for my own reactions, my own tendencies and personalities. I commit to stop myself any time I have the thought that begins with, “I bet she meant…” or “She/He really meant…” and to bring it back to myself with questioning my desire for absolute knowledge and/or acknowledgement/recognition and to see and understand why the opinion of another would matter to me and I commit to give myself the support I seek from another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that my friend should respond in a way that I liked, i.e. within being encouraging or giving me practical feedback or some/any kind of impression about the actual, physical work, and when she didn’t I created a relationship with the event having multiple internal dialogues about what she must really think and why or speculating that maybe she is jealous or bored or that she’s sees herself as superior within her ability to assess a good work of art.

When and as I see myself believe and expect that there is a ‘correct’ or ‘appropriate’ way to respond to something I have created, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I want recognition and confirmation of the value of my work and that the time and energy it takes to do it has not been wasted. I commit to bring this point back to myself and to assess within myself whether or not the creation of art is of value and worthy of my time and effort and to see whether or not I can do it without any reward, without requiring any support, without any feedback from others.

 Day 624 is located on my private blog: A Painter’s Journey to Life.

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Staying open to alternatives – Day 623

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A main obstacle in my life has been that I have not allowed myself to stay open to all the possibilities  and opportunities that have been and continue to be here and available to me.

Within balancing work and money and time I have often been unaware of how I have limited myself “playing the game” and I have neglected the development of my full potential.

So much of this lifestyle/pattern is based on memory (and money…). Memory of myself as someone who functions in a certain way, who requires certain things, who lives  a certain life. These memories take on a life  and they can easily reactivate and so I become vulnerable to defining myself based on memories.

Self forgiveness of memory allows for creation. I choose creation.

I am grateful there are others who are also challenging their accepted identity – their frankness and their clarity help me within creating my self (out of programming and into Life).  I have ideas about this ‘best self’ – they are projections and as such create another round of polarity thinking and separation from this time to that time and once again I become bound to thought.

I look to self-honesty and my investigation of  the conscious, unconscious, subconscious – and all the other minds that exist –  to understand the creation that I have already set in motion and to stop creating things that are not creating without reaction – and so I breathe. I breathe and stop creating in my mind and the thoughts that come that I do not accept and allow I breathe through. Breathing is the  foundation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to control time in order to achieve personal happiness.
I commit to using my breath in the most effective manner and to use any energetic reactions within me to find out where and how I have brainwashed myself believing that such brainwashing within self-interest could ever be Life and I commit to make this process my life’s work as such a process requires diligence and vigilance.

I commit to use writing to bring the points of my self deception here in front of me in real time so that I can stop it without having to recreate such energetic experiences in real time.

I commit to share and continue my investigation into breath so that others may benefit as I am benefitting within how breath support us in deprogramming ourselves.

I am not defined by what I have accepted and allowed.
I commit to create myself to show as best I can that HERE is all that matters; that we can create a world that serves all equally and that if we do not do so we are nothing better than parasites doomed to folly and falsity.

I continue the process of undoing what I have already created. I live within words and create within words and becoming the living word that exists one and equal with this world – taking responsibility and putting into physical expression that which is best for everyone.

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Kill the Buddha, please! Day 621

‘If you Meet the Buddha on the road, kill him” reminds me of the old Henny Youngman joke, “take my wife, please.” Both create a kind of mental dissonance; a “say what?” that  is meant to shock our pre-programming –  to question our beliefs – and in the Zen tradition it is hoped to bring on  “sudden insight, followed by gradual cultivation.”

Did I kill the Buddha? I was once a dedicated seeker and now I have equalized my relationship with the Buddha. How did I do that?

Was it when I heard the Buddha came through a portal and speak about his so-called enlightenment?  Here is a fascinating and free interview that can assist and support you to kill the Buddha as well.

I stand within and as this statement  Bernard Poolman wrote:
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have failed to see that to train the body to become addicted to the abuse and pleasure the mind inflicts on the body, makes the stopping of these cycles progressively more difficult with consequences now growing daily that will produce progressively more and more the fruit of inequality and enslavement to not only the mind – but also the system of the mind – like money, and what money provides and secures to those that submitted completely to money as God of the World System.

and commit myself to restore compassion for Life on Earth where the ones with Creator ability will protect those with a lesser ability as a Matter of Life.

The Buddha asks us here:
Are you standing up for all as one as equal and taking responsibility for who and what you really are in every moment here on earth within your life in every here moment to experience your individual self expression as who and what you really are? Or are you waiting, not trusting, preferring consciousness enslavement and control – rather making the choice to experiencing yourself in heaven within the dimensions where you will also realize and see and understand who and what you really are before you will be making the exact same inevitable choice in heaven within which you had the opportunity to make while you were on earth. Understand – whether in heaven or on earth – you will inevitably be making the exact same choice for standing up and taking responsibility for all as one and equal. Why not do it here on earth in every moment where you immediately place who and what you really are into practical application as a standing into infinity preparing the way before the children as you create heaven on earth here as an expression and experience of who and what you really are?

Thank you for reading. This is my public blog/annex that is part of  my Journey to Life that I am walking here by invitation only; please request to join me.





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